Chronos.

When I started this blog, I knew there would probably come a day when the writing started to fall away, and the time I spent philosophizing on here would diminish.  That time has come, friends.  I started to notice it a couple of weeks ago.  It's a busy time of year.  I want to write more.  I'm certainly thinking about a lot of things.  Lately I've felt there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all of what I'm supposed to do (of which I've hardly done any).  I propose the 26-hour day.  That would really help me out with my messed up circadian rhythm, which I'm convinced is on a cycle way longer than 24 hours.  Woe is me.

I promise, though, that as soon as I find the odd hour, I will write furiously every notion I've got in my skull.

Here we go, Day 126: https://ia600804.us.archive.org/10/items/Improv121811/12_18_118_52Pm.mp3

Wassailing.

In typical naysaying fashion, Erich refused to accept that "wassailing" is actually pronounced "wah-sul-ing."  I don't know the phonetic alphabet.  You'll have to use your imagination.

Despite an automatic cringe that I have developed over the years from hearing badly arranged Christmas carols played haphazardly in October at every shop in NYC (think: midi-accompanied pan flute rendition of 'Do You Hear What I Hear?' at Chinese-run Japanese restaurant), I do think it's fun to sing them with a bunch of other drunk people.  Call it a guilty pleasure.  'O Holy Night' is the best one.

Here we go, Day 125: https://ia600809.us.archive.org/4/items/Improv121711/12_17_114_24Pm.mp3

L train.

I don't think I was the only one that got screwed by the L train tonight.  I waited while we were stalled in the station for a good 35 minutes or more.  When they started letting people out, the guy next to me said, "Good luck getting home..."  I didn't know if that was sarcastic or friendly.  Hard to tell with hipsters. 

In some weird way, though, I didn't really mind the wait, the exile off the train, the quarantine to Manhattan.  I was strangely hoping for a long walk tonight.  And I didn't make it to my friend's show, didn't get to hang with my posse, and was forced to walk the length of 14th St....  That was sublime.  It's probably the first time, and most likely the last time, that I will have referred to 14th St. as sublime, but at the moment, I couldn't have asked for more.

Well... there were a few things missing, but... I try to count my blessings.

Here we go, Day 124: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/7/items/Improv121611/12_16_119_17Pm.mp3

Where we are. Now.

Nick came into town today after ten months of world traveling, and it was the first time in a long time, over a year, since the main members of my original NY family got together for a beer.  (Though we were still missing a few beloved tonight....)

Conversation was the same brilliant banter that can only occur between friends that have seen the best and worst of each other.  Marc told one of the best jokes I've ever heard.  We were all tired: Jaimie was sick but managed to throw back a few -- transparent, cool, damp snot rag in hand; Nick fresh off a plane from Rio via Panama; the rest of us straight from long days at work.  But the hang was comfortable and loving.  It's amazing the bonds that develop between people that are biologically unrelated.  I could do absolutely anything or nothing in the presence of these people, and they would love me all the same.  What did I do to be so lucky?

Nick asks, "So, what's new?"

It's been a year, right?  So obviously a lot has changed, but of course the answer was, "Not much, really.  Everything, but nothing."  And it's true.  On the surface, things are more or less the same, but below that, on many levels, life is completely different from one year ago.  I reflect on that deeply and scrutinizingly.  It really blows my mind.  2011, a year of incredible change, has brought everything, from darkest dark to highest high.  A lot of adventure, exploration, philosophy, danger, excitement, introversion, extroversion, capture and release, light dabblings, full immersions, rejection, disappointment, heartache, heartfill, forced patience, understanding, acceptance, strength, solitude, perseverance, wonder, clarity and confusion.  And let's not forget curiosity.

Always curiosity. 

Here we go, Day 123: https://ia700807.us.archive.org/17/items/Improv121511/12_15_118_12Pm.mp3

Besame mucho.

Where DO we go when? 

It's good to feel like I'm making deliberate decisions. 

You know Dickens?  The best of times, the worst of times?? Yup.  That pretty much sums it up.  I feel privy to a perspective that is generally fleeting... I'm seeing in on the present.  Not quite like hindsight, but more like an out of body experience.  And with this sense of balance, order, entropy and chaos.  No, it's not all perfect.  But I see all of the little offshoots... the ones that could carry me into different worlds, and the eddies that linger before swirling away into the undercurrent.  It's quite an experience... the most interesting part of it, seeing where I'm in control, and where I'm not.

Here we go, Day 121: https://ia600807.us.archive.org/6/items/Improv121311/12_13_117_42Pm.mp3

No thanks, past self.

I honestly thought I would be thanking my past self for doing my blog post early on in the evening, but alas, it just ended up being premature.

I was lucky enough to be persuaded into an improv with two awesome musicians, who egged me on to play with them.  I won't lie.  I was super, super nervous about it.  But after a drink or two, I was able to do it, and whether I let go or not will be for you all to decide.  It was really fun, and very good for me, and I'm super glad to have done it.  Thanks, guys.  It means a lot.

And now, I present my first actual improv with other people.

Here we go, Day 119, Part 2: https://ia600804.us.archive.org/22/items/Improv2121111/12_11_1110_12Pm.mp3

Brew.

I feel a little bit bad that I haven't been writing so much lately.  But I assure you that my thoughts, about life and music and such, are still strongly brewing.  To a respectably meaty 12% or something.  After the fermentation process, we'll all enjoy a hearty toast.  And thoughts will abound on cyber paper, amidst a creamy, lathery, sweet head atop a deliciously effervescent beverage.

Here we go, Day 118: https://ia700708.us.archive.org/28/items/Improv121011/12_10_117_01Pm.mp3

Never know.

I've probably written something about this before, but... what a difference a day makes.

The things I didn't know yesterday are the things that hit heavily today.  Or at least they were unexpected.  It's interesting to look into the future, and guess at what lies in wait.  Fortunately, a lot of the best things are complete surprises.  Then again, so are some of the worst things.  But even when those worst things catch us off guard, we can remember that this reality is only here.  And rest assured, there is a there.

It's a good reason to plan loosely, and live spontaneously, wouldn't you say?

Here we go, Day 114: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/12/items/Improv12611/12_6_118_23Pm.mp3

Nude.

The instrumentalist in me said, "Are you serious?  Don't."  But the experimenter in me said, "Do it, do it, do it!!"

So, with much momentary trepidation, and the power of spontaneous improv to back me up, I did it.

Now, this ain't rocket science, seems like no big deal, probably nothing at all to anyone else.  But it still freaked me out.  With a bit of patience, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

Man, I don't even know if I can publish this online.  I know this is silly, but it makes me feel a little naked.


Here we go, Day 113: https://ia600801.us.archive.org/22/items/Improv12511/12_5_113_02Pm.mp3

Experiments.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have seen lines and shapes in nature and day to day objects, and imagined them as pictures of faces, bodies, and animals.  I specifically remember daydreaming in the shower, looking at the marbelized tiles, and seeing the same things in them each time, like old, familiar paintings.  Sometimes they would freak me out, because the face was something scary and distorted, and I had to purposefully avert my eyes from that spot, because the image was so vivid.

I like noticing hidden messages.  It makes me feel like I know something special that other people don't.

And I'm getting more and more comfortable with piano's hidden message.  I was complaining the other day (as I often do,) that I can't crescendo on a single note on a piano.  But today, I was sort of feeling like I could actually do that inside of the piano.  And lots of other cool stuff, too!  There's not really a whole lot of technique developed for this kind of piano playing, but as I explore it, I'm discovering an entirely new range of the instrument's capabilities.  More experimentation to ensue!!!

Here we go, Day 111: https://ia600801.us.archive.org/25/items/Improv12311/12_3_119_04Pm.mp3



Eat cake.

Well, so, I went after something a little different today, in response to what Jesse wrote about yesterday.  I wanted to try it out.  But I couldn't let go, so completely, of form.  I also didn't do exactly what I thought Jesse was suggesting... from talking with him, and hearing what he has to say, I gather that he means to let the brainwaves go, and allow the physical memory/training to kick in.  That the subconscious will come through regardless, and hence prove a purer honesty.  (Jesse, if I'm off the mark, feel free to chime in and correct me.)  Look back to the "Dreams." post, and you'll see that I actually believe this in some sense, as well. 

Here's the difference, though, for why that wouldn't work the same way for Jesse and for me.  Jesse is primarily a jazz musician.  He has gone through extensive training in improvisation.  I have not.  Not ever.  This is a point that I discussed tonight with McIntyre, who knows.  It is true that I have a quarry of classical language that I can fall back onto, but it is a very different skill set.  It is so very difficult to adapt to this alternate way of creating music, and I think that the expectations set by my educational background has skewed my goals.

But anyway, success for this project, as it is judged solely on the process and what I learn, has already been achieved.  The rest is noise.

Here we go, Day 109: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/21/items/Improv12111/12_1_113_14Pm.mp3

(Oooh, I could've made a great reference to Beethoven Opus 109.  Darn!!  Missed opportunity.)

Resuristal.

I've been thinking...

... perhaps in the last twelve hours only... but

... I've been thinking.  First I was thinking about motion.  And then I was thinking about displacement.

... and stream of consciousness.  Filling time.  And what time is.  A measure... and what encompasses a measure.  And a minute... and what encompasses a minute.  And how a measure seems long and then short.  But then a minute is also long and short.  Really, music is so fleeting, and both that measure and that minute happen and pass so without a moment of recognition.

Jesse asked, "Do you feel like you're thinking a lot when you're playing?"

Yes, and then also no.  It depends on the day, it depends on the improv, it depends on my state of mind.  But what matters more is the outcome, right?  Or no?  I've been feeling lately like it's important to have some structure... something to follow to keep things coherent.  And when I'm really invested, there's an unforced "thinking" that happens that keeps me on track.  But if I let myself completely wander, structure usually falls away.  Now, whether that's for better or worse is another thing.

I dunno.  Jesse?

Here we go, Day 108: https://ia700802.us.archive.org/20/items/Improv113011/11_30_113_19Pm.mp3