Does it hurt more to change or stay the same?  I've definitely been through some trying times of change.  But it always seems that the changes, necessary or not, were for the better.  I've never looked back on an experience and wished that I had not gone through it.  (Admittedly, I have wished situations away in their present moments.)  And though many times it hurt more than I thought I could endure, I've come away with such a deeper understanding of myself and people.  And for the most part, the residual baggage that we all take from these kinds of experiences, I think has been rather minimal.

But there's the security of things staying the same.  It's comfortable and easy.  There aren't many surprises.  And as much as I want that and like that, am I the only one that feels trapped by that?  Thank God I fell into a profession that is different every day.

I don't think I am afraid of dying, but I am certainly afraid to not live.  And I know that this fear is why I almost never say no to the opportunities of things that I have not experienced yet.  It's why I feel restless and itchy to travel to a new place.  It's why I go out to meet friends for an impromptu evening, even at midnight.  It's why, even though I'm shy and cautious, I rarely make an excuse against random acts of spontaneity. 

There's nothing like the first experience.  Did you ever read a book or watch a movie that you loved so much that you wish you could read or see it again for the first time?  (I know you have, because everyone has.)  Or meet someone?  Or hear something?  This is why firsts are special.  Because they are exciting, new, foreign, uncertain, mysterious.  They are adventures in their moment, even if just the taste of something we've never tried.  And why we choose certain people to share firsts with, for me, is sort of a big deal.  That is the person that we want to partake in the thrill, the euphoria, and the exhilaration with.  That is the person who holds your hand (as surely as you hold theirs) as you sneak through the dark into unknown peril, possible marvel, guaranteed adrenaline.

To experience something for the first time means becoming privy to another of life's secrets.  And really, who doesn't want to be in on it?

Here we go, Day 84:
and yup, another one, Day 84, Part 2: